The Táin Bolg Cuailnge

The Corporate Raid of Cooley

Photo by Click and Learn Photography on Unsplash

Here beginneth the Táin Bólg Cúalnge (or the Corporate Raid of Cooley)

Fadó fadó, it happened that the thigh-tangled partners Consort King Denis O’Brawn and his Goodwife, Queen Larry, lay contemplating their individual circumstance, and such was the banter that befell them:

Consort King Denis lit up a post-coital cigarette and pulled out his withered friend¹ and placed it tenderly on the many-thread-counted sheets, like a tiny dead baby mouse. He said to Larry: ‘Feast your eyes upon that, sweetness!’

¹ [or tiny pale stick; the translated word appears only twice in the entire text; that is, a dis legomenon]

Larry grimaced at the drooling miniature corpse before he bent to his work. At length, Larry straightened, plucking something from his teeth, something small and distasteful to him. ‘What of it, sweet Munster’s prince?’

Dinny and Larry. Honest and true men, it is said.

O’Brawn gave a snort of pleasure. ‘You know, tis true what they say, sweetness,’ he said, laying back upon the sheets and sighing aloud. ‘Happy is the domestic partner of the international…