Cain and Abel
From the Holiest Bible, Ever!
9 min readJul 7, 2022
[Wait, what?! You haven’t read Genesis yet?]
Right Now, Check it Out—Honestly, you will never again find several billion years so succinctly summarised:
Now on with the story:
So, when a man loves a woman in a certain way, babies appear. Adam loved Eve in this certain way, and Eve gave birth to a boy. They called him Cain.
Adam loved Eve in that special way again, though not for a while after Cain was born, because Cain was all little and cute and demanding of attention, but in the fullness of time, Adam got his chance, with candles and rose petals strewn about, and lo: Abel was born.
Having planned their future careers carefully (in the days before such lucrative industries as financial sophistry, dentistry and side hustles on Medium existed), Adam and Eve decided that Cain would become a tillage farmer, while Abel was tasked with herding sheep.
